I don’t believe in resolutions. (here’s why it’s a much better post than this one!).
Listen, here is what I am learning: the more anxious and worried and conflicted and sad I get about where I am at and what I’d like to be different—whether it is about my stomach pooch or my writing production or how many noxious “circle of trust” trainings I have to attend—the less clear and present I am to perceive my reality correctly. The monster’s feet loom out from beneath the bed when in actuality, they’re dust bunnies. We are so comfortable, inane, spoiled, instantly gratified, overfed, overstimulated, under challenged, bored, that the slightest imperfections can toss us out of orbit. And fear and that sense of “wrongness” disorients us.
I am learning that I don’t need to change my life. My life is perfect in its imperfections. I just need to Learn my life.
Which doesn’t mean that I am sitting back all hippie socks with tevas drinking kombucha and knitting while the world is coming apart (and sometimes, doesn’t it feel that way?). I commit to being intentional, reflective and having a vision of change. I want my life to get better, not feel better…and so, here’s what I want MORE and LESS of in 2013
1) Posting: With all the other new ventures that I am seeking (doing the radio show, writing a book, more formal travel writing) it is difficult to also have energy over for this production here… I hold a faint resentment of needing to “post” or “update” or aptly describe my physical being (shoulder is strained, quads are healed) or retell some funny homily regarding my cookie swap (I made gingerbread) or a funny exchange in a carpet shop in Fez, Morocco (I stood my ground!).
I am imagining my escape, twirling around the notion of creating some kind of smallish distraction, a gentle slight of the hand as I slip into nonpresence. Perhaps only surfacing on survelliance haphazardly to capture my ultimate travels, or my cherished lists.
2) saying yes when I don’t really feel like it. It takes a little bit of time and a little bit of annoyance and discomfort to say no, and a whole lot of annoyance and energy and pain when I say yes when I mean no. Plus, it is an energy drain. Sometimes I want the answer to be yes when it is clearly a NO. I’d like less guilt over not feeling “like it”.
3) I’d like to spend less time on online trainings and powerpoint presentations in 2013.
4) I’d like my friends to move far away less. You are impossible to replace.
1) strength. of character. of connection. of body. sometimes, I know, this means more REST and less WORK (hard for me!)
2) variety (I can get into routines and have a hard time letting go of my “plan!” and when I can’t be flexible, I start not seeing reality for what it is and then spend my energy pretty uselessly) in my travels, exercises, work responsibilities. I have to say how grateful I am regarding the variety of my relationships, and that I have friends that span ages, interests and locations.
3) rest. I’d like to ride on the shoulders of giants more. and crawl into the laps of others and cuddle more. I’d like more pancakes with syrup in bed on sundays. and reading books for half a day. and drinking beer and sitting in grass. and staying in PJs longer. I’d like to burn more candles. Drink more wine others have bought for me and eat homemade dinners others have cooked for me (considering my preferences of course!)
There you have it. What are you planning to have more and less of?