I get a little unnerved and wired when others motivate by insisting “your biggest obstacle is yourself!” Really? I am more powerful than prejudice? More substantially evil than global poverty? More pernicious than dictatorship? More destructive than the perversion of hunger into addiction? More impairing than cognitive dementia, the hostage taking of rouge cells, and the demylination of memory?
Seriously, in all of the history of tragedies in the world, isn’t it somewhat egotisical to consider that “I am the Alpha and Omega of all ills!” Woe is ME!”
And yet, the adage idly rambles around inside quite freeely, I become the cliche, as if it contained some kernel of fornlorn hope to attach value. (Look up the origin of “forlorn hope and you’ll catch my intent there).
Sure, perhaps ostrich-like, sand warmly cocoons your brain in self-denial and the daggers fly outward, asserting blame in the way you were raised, the unstable economy, your high school gym teacher, your insensitive chia pet.
But more so, I think that you already blame yourself pretty efficiently without the condiment of self criticism slathered on for sweetness.
At least, I confess, I do.
And sure, it’s accurate, yes, that I complicate things, that I mess it up over and over again. With my sense of self, of what should be right, of how things need to be, sure, I am an obstacle.
and yet….not MY obstacle.
sure, it’s terrifying. to acknowledge that my heart was never pure. that I fabricate external dramas. That everything, results from a dangerously gracious mixture of geography and perception. That I may be YOUR biggest obstacle.
But I refuse to gather up the intimate knowing within, and label it as “enemy”, fundamentally flawed and poised for eradication.
and sure, I can’t get through a jog with my shoe lace whipping out of bondage to threaten remaining upright. and yes, that reads one TSP baking powder, not TBL…and okay, I tend to dig, dig, dig, hoping that I can excavate a feeling of okayness, of worthiness or wishing to bury the hormonal insecurity that somehow manages to geyser up from time to time.
I don’t need to be removed….from myself
I don’t require hurdling…..of myself
or managing…..for myself….
or going around…….by myself
I am not MY obstacle.
I am Special
And this is MY treatment.