One of the basic philosophies I hold in my center is that you give in order to get. This is modern version of the Golden Rule. Stolen from basic economic theory, that if you can make enough deposits, your interests will grow, thus enabling you to make worthy withdrawals.
And I suppose that the thing I search for, strive for, seek for, live for, is the sense of connectedness. Not just a mere sharing. But a sharing primed for knowing, belonging…an intimate acceptance of the triumph and tragedy that is me, this Special K.
The primary way I am fulfilled remains curiously exploring the world and receiving feedback that there is space for me. that somewhere, somehow, and not all the time, but just sometimes, it can contain me.
So I require feedback. Of the communicative type.
Extending back to my graduate training in theology, psychology and even my master’s in education shapes my value for communication. Nonverbal, visual, spoken…and my ultimate personal cross, written.
The sign of my passion and redemption.
And it isn’t just a small thing “women want out of a relationship.” Failure to communicate is THE underlying cause of any societal failure (politics, prejudice, poverty). Reading the Four Agreements, this theme is underscored again….Be True in Your Word. Working in the field of Pediatrics, one of my evaluation skills is attempting to evaluate the communication skills of children. This passage hit me:
Very young children are not afraid to express what
they feel. They are so loving that if they perceive love, they melt into love. They are not afraid to love at all. That is the description of a normal human being. As children we are not afraid of the future or ashamed of the past. Our normal human tendency is to enjoy life, to play, to explore, to be happy, and to love
People don’t need to LEARN how to communicate. They do it naturally. Children are not afraid to say “you don’t act like a DOCTOR!” or “I don’t want to give it to you” because they are not afraid of reproach. They learn how to fear, and thus, to disconnect, from themselves, from others. And when we don’t feel connected, communication dissolves…and intimacy then withers.
So…you want to communicate? Connect. I am learning and relearning and coming to the same place over and over, and finding that I don’t know where I am at all, but also knowing the way.
We don’t want to just be heard. Or seen. To be free, like that child, to love what we love…the freedom to be. To say what I feel, not because I am NOT afraid, but because I am.
Can you hear me now?