The First Date

Task #65 Ask a Guy out on a Date

Who could deny such a request?

Although given the fact that this paramour and I have established that amorous feelings are mutually shared, the risk of denial most likely
depended solely on poor schedules or timing rather than interest.

The task of ASKING strengthened a few themes for me:
1) Dating, and relationships in general involves creativity just as much, or sometimes more than our hobbies. It is easy to “habituate” with
a person. Think of your mother nagging you to put your dishes away 50 times without responsiveness compared to picking them up the moment the
baby sitter asked. It is easy to just go on autopilot with our hobbies as well. You walk into the gym and climb on the same treadmill, or into
the bookstore and pick up the same magazine, even though it has exactly the same articles it has had for 3 years.  You make the same stir fry
recipe rather than trying out new ingredients or tastes that are foreign to you.

2) It is EASY to make people feel as if they matter. You just have to be FUELED by the process rather than the results. Going on autopilot may
feel “easy” but in the end, you miss all the awareness of being alive in this moment, with this person.

My living goal is that my loved ones feel as if I am creatively reminding them of the unique strengths they possess and share with me.
And oh, so how FULL I am to receive such treasures.

3) ASKING for something “new” involves a few steps. First you have to a) identify what you long for, what you hunger after, what drives you. I
recently am owning the fact that I am motivated by power b) define it concretely to fit into the realistic resources and limitations of your current life situations and c) ASK for it. Saying out loud, “I WANT THIS” and sharing that with another increases the chances on cultivating its arrival in your life.

4) Daily, in my line of work, I am constantly humbled and fueled that PEOPLE, particularly children with developing brains that I have the
immense pleasure of witnessing, are NOT robots, and are plastic, or constantly capable of shifting shape. Getting people to trust me in this
process of growth serves as both motivation and reward. The process of dating has revealed over and over and over…that I, too, am new to
myself.

Eliot said it best

If you came this way,
Taking any route, starting from anywhere,
At any time or at any season,
It would always be the same: you would have to put off
Sense and notion.
You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are here to kneel
Where prayer has been valid
History may be servitude,
History may be freedom.
See, now they vanish,
The faces and places, with the self which, as it could, loved them,
To become renewed, transfigured, in another pattern.

So….back to the date:
Castle Exploring


Wine Tasting


Rhine River Strolling

And at the end

…anticipating where I’ll let him take me next.

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8 thoughts on “The First Date

  1. point #2 is so spot-on. i have a guy friend who girls just fall all over themselves for, and i swear, it’s because he makes excellent eye contact and actually listens when a girl is talking. (what more do we want, right?) hope your date went well! on a side note, Germany must be beautiful!

  2. Very cool. Glad things are going well. Nice work asking him out. I think I would be able to do that now at this stage in my life if needed, but lucky for me I met Ryan shortly after getting out of a relationship and this was just the ONE.

  3. You beautifully describe the task of being in the moment with the another person to have the chance of a real encounter. I believe that the whole life is about creativity and growth, but it’s so easy to end up in stagnation.

    Did you enoy the date?

  4. love this! sounds like the date went well. i think your point number 3 is the hardest part. so necessary but so hard. because you really need to be aware of what your wants and needs are

  5. I love how you wrote all about the wonderful experience and not about the person!! In a way, that is a great way to tell about him. Anyways, can’t wait to hear more. You are so brave.

  6. I love #2 – It is SO easy to make people feel like they matter and I am trying to be more and more cognizant of this fact. I try to act on it more than not too and I love it when I make someone’s day by just doing or saying something so simply.

    You are one brave lady to challenge yourself so. I admire you!

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