My feet hurt…I’ve been running frequently around, traveling, jogging, running after my patients. After expending vast amount of mental calculation, I decided to drive back from Bavaria’s resiliency conference to home rather than go to Switzerland for three nights to meet an older couple I haven’t spent time with, and don’t know me all that well. I feared a weekend without plans, I feared feeling alone (every one is gone!), I feared letting these people down….but really, I wanted REST. I go to Dublin on Wednesday and get to visit some close friends in North England next weekend, so….these feet needed some cushioning…
So on Saturday, I explored the shoe production kingdom of Germany. Shoe Outlets GALORE. We’re not talking DSW, we’re talking handmade Italian and German and Dutch feet huggers. The companies hold high standards, only incorporating the finest, natural material and relying on hands to produce their products. Thus, task #62 ensued. Normally, when I feel anxious, I don’t want to “spend”, as if I need to pay a penance for changing my mind about Switzerland. Spending $100 on shoes, as well as scheduling a massage and body wrap, felt “undeserved.” The thought in itself is attached to very destructive “you must delay pleasure” cognitive patterns that I am now actively rebelling against.
If I don’t eat dessert now, it may not be there later.
Thus, trusting my hunger, in all it’s dimensions, it crucial….
And imagine my PLEASURE when exploring Josef Seibel Outlet. I have one great pair of cobalt and sky mary jane’s from this company already, nicknamed “The comfort shoe” and let me brag: My TOOTSIES ADORE the feeling of these babies, and my EYES CHERISH the hand-stitched detail. A “strobel” technique forms the material over the “floor” of the shoe…sounds very complicated, when, really…look how lovely they are!
PLUS: A unplanned trip to the post office brought me my much ANTICIPATED SOLE sock order. These puppies claim to be superb for marathoners. I received two of each of their lightweight and dual layer, in both white and black and crew and “no show” styles.
After my Saturday morning 6 miler in black dual layer,
I must now profess….”aren’t new socks simply divine?”
It inspired me to order new Asics as I am digging the pillowy comfort of my pronation. Attempting to stave off another bout of plantar fascitis, socks and shoe quality matter.
The dual layer Sole provides a little more support than any other brand I’ve used, so now I am a big fan.
To come back around to the Tootise Therapy, this morning I painted the little critters bright orange. Something fun, something upbeat. Something not to ease the loneliness, because I need solitude right now, but to help me accept it.
Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.
I am gasping in Pema Chodron, sipping coffee, trying to feel out whether to read, walk, bake, or drive into a large fair in France 90 minutes away. I’ve got some shoes to break in.