Paying a 900 gas bill,
getting a parking ticket,
having to redesign and thus re-capitualte a clinic at work
some administrative “dropping of the ball” that means more stress
(was the bill paid? Was that product ordered? Did that report go out?).
And basically, no time for going to the gym. And BIG stress-relief for me pilfered by the Traveling Gods. And K was not so much a happy camper about it.
Some days, I joke to myself and willing listners that the gym is my boyfriend. But really, it is my pew. Or perhaps my running shoes are. Normally, I go to the gym 5 days a week. I love it there. I love reading my Psychology Today or reading a book, or watching The View, or tuning out on a cool spanking brand new machine. I love it when they people behind the counter and I make chit-chat. A familiar stranger hood we maintain. I love being anonymously recognized.
(and I love always saying to myself, I’ll try that class…soon.)
And whenever I know that I am going to Travel or such, there is an anxiety…what will I do if I can’t run? Yep…it is a little twisted, this need to run. I CRAVE a run most days of the week. For good reason, as well…the physical dependence on the breathing, on the faithfulness of my quads and hams to go, go, go…the reinforcement of thought that “I am going someplace” make me feel…well, GOOD. I’ve earned my merit badge in some sense, for the day.
So, while on this crazy month of non-routine-ness. Running outside has been my salvation. Seriously. The sights surprised me, a pleasing “this is new” to me that rewarded me EACH TIME. And running outside, there is no time clock, no mileage count, no incline to monitor, and no false sense of calorie counting engendered. Sure, there is no escaping the clock that makes me, well, K. An internal not going anywhere without at least the help of some serious controlled substances, strength and limitation.
Sometimes I run to run away. To punish. To earn. To “work it off,” or in order to feel balanced and worthy of human being-ness. Yep. I struggle with feeling as if just me, at rest, is ENOUGH.
But other times, I run to connect…with my biggest sourcesof energy, and in the process, I resolve emotions (forgive! Let go!)
creatively work out problems
and clarify my mind…
and NOTICE things!
AH! Anything, can be of light and dark…all rolled into this vessel, the body and mind…
and the blessing that both, “work.”….
easy to say, writing this fun the comforts of my couch, sipping a nice scotch (Reserve, Famous Grouse) and nursing ray-bronzed cheeks….