As I age, my ongoing lesson pulsates, announcing itself in tides, sometimes hushed, sometimes harried. I will spend the majority of my breathes discerning that which I truly desire, that which would satisfy, that which would fulfill, that which would equip and nourish my beloveds, the earth, the strangers within my unknown human family.
Saying “yes” is the first step to wanting. It’s welcoming more into my life. It’s taking up more space, in every sense. Wanting something — food and otherwise — expands who we are (and, yes, I’m aware of all the symbolic phrasing here). Denying and resisting keeps our bubbles (and our selves) very small, seemingly easier to manage. But, eventually, you disappear, literally. Our desires give us shape. Our passions give us form.
I’ve been experimenting more with saying “yes.” And, slowly, I’m learning to want things — whether it’s an entire pizza or a new purse or affection from my husband. It’s about not fearing my desires like I have in the past. There is no shame in wanting.
Yoga is a part of saying “yes.” For me, yoga gives me time to connect with my body. I love feeling my muscles open up. It helps me stay focused for my day (which is why I do it in the morning). And, most importantly, it teaches me so much about surrender and humility. I have fallen many-a-time in poses, or gotten extremely frustrated and cursed under my breath while holding a pose. Over time, I see how it gets easier when I make the choice to just stop struggling. Yoga has helped me have so much more peace with myself.
I absolutely love triangle pose. There is something about the symmetry of it, stretching toward the sky, that makes me feel really centered. I also love twisting triangle and half moon. For some reason, that side angle, with the stretch upwards really balances me.
For the record, I am extremely inflexible mentally, though I’ve always been pretty flexible physically. I’m pretty rigid with routines. I love structure and schedules. Yoga has taught me that it’s okay to let go a bit sometimes. Plans change and nothing drastic and terrible happens. I can deal with life’s curveballs much better now. I’ve gotten way more flexible with work situations. I used to get so stressed out with added assignments and things, but I take it in stride now. I love the idea in yoga about not being attached to outcomes. We can have goals and plans, but getting attached to something going a specific way is a really hard way to live. It leads to inevitable disappointment.
As I said above, food is one area when I have lots of rules still. I am trying to get away from seeing foods as “good” or “bad,” as I don’t think food is truly a moral dilemma. It’s all about choosing what’s best for our individual bodies. I’m also pretty strict with myself at work. I’ve always been the type A, do-gooder, teacher’s pet, so I’ve had to learn to let go in that area. I’ve seen that making mistakes, forgetting an appointment, etc does not have dire consequences. It’s just life.
If you had $10 to spend in a grocery store on 3 items, what would they be?
Peanut butter, a loaf of good bread, and a bunch of bananas. That’s my favorite sandwich combo right there.