You may be parched for balance, starved for a sense of groundedness and okayness, the perfect saturation of joy and contedness, the harmony of being “right.” You may equate this feeling to stability, the attainment of something. And yet, balance, in its very nature, infuses itself with change.
And I am just so damn impatient.
Ah, spring, the fruitful unfolding of life peeking through winter’s gray cold rebuffs. The people inching themselves out of their cocooned banishment and moving about, waving hello, kids biking outside in parkas and the welcome, initially, thuds of the hollow ball against man made rock. It’s the shift that creates the sense of balance. It’s the change.
I was thinking about this on the yoga mat yesterday morning. I have taken to doing 2-3 20 minute and one 45-60 sessions online each week. Small doses to complete before getting into or coming home from work at the 7 o clock hours. I was thinking: What’s Next? Where can I seek balance next, because in yoga, there is no balance. There is approximation towards, approximation away. And you have to learn to sit with that. Or half-moon with that, I guess.
My aunt does yoga. She rocks at it. Perhaps that is because after years of triumphs and tragedies, it’s not about seeking something out for “balance” it is just about being there. Inhabiting the muscles that remember her unique story. Accepting, with curiosity, nature’s pace.
In this season, it feels like New Year to me. Not because it’s my birthday soon, when I tend to establish my personal intentions for my life (a refurbished version of a New Year’s Resolution), but because so many people talk about change. With gossamer connections to the media world, I still hear messages of getting bikini bodies, throwing out the scarves old and ringing in the new sandals. As if somehow by embracing a walking plan or downing pomegranate juice come Monday after Easter, you’ll imbibe a sense of spring balance and you’ll be renewed again.
But balance doesn’t happen like that. And our submission into myths, that “change” will propel a heightened sense of well being and self satisfaction, only defeat us. Research shows, win the lottery: not happier. Diet and lose 10 pounds: not happier. Get botox: not happier. Get married, have a baby: not happier. If you are not happy now, in this season of half sunlight and half snow, you don’t need to change your wardrobe, your sex life, your financial statement. You crave the mental satisfaction that what is now, is okay. Who you are, not what you are, is the place of balance, the spring of happiness.
There are approximations towards happiness, and those away. Sometimes, during one flow, my body creaks and prevents me from bending. Flexibility truly is impossible that moment. AWAY. And then, somehow, the twist frees me, and I am leaning further in. TOWARD.
The Courage to Change. Yes. We’ve got that. But the acceptance of nature’s timing. Of being just here? Yep, that’s Strength.
With irony, I spring with hopeful pigeoning, with resolutions towards wisdom.