Is this LOVE? That I am Feeling?

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I… I realized what a terrific person she was, and… and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I… I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs. ANNIE HALL

I am single. I am over 30. I am a professional.  I live in Europe. I get more than 33 MPG on my car.

And a lot of people, including me, are interested in my love life. A friend bemoaned the fact that women of my age could not locate a man to date her of equal status. She was listing all the qualities she wanted to find. I’ve bitched about this list making in the past, and continue to be annoyed with resolutions of  “this year, I am going to lose x (pounds, inhibitions, debt) and gain y (a boyfriend, a house, a new sense of confidence).”  Why send my focus outward and what I need to CHANGE? Goodness, just look at this past year and I think I’ve changed enough. Here are things about RIGHT now, Special K AS SHE IS…that make me a perfect choice for a friend/partner/lover/blogger.

Relationships are CRAZY! Because, yes, people, as individuals are CRAZY! I am complicated, curious, over think things, goofy and in the next minute, I know that I am flippant and whimsical and very concerned about something ver simple. But, Instead of trying to focus on all the things I don’t have…which is easy to do in a culture of deficit thinking…I am hailing MOST of my characteristic possessions.

Some examples?

 I have Curiosity. Want to go to Slovania? Go rock-climbing? Visit that dinner-in-the-dark locale? I’ll go with you. I know what I don’t like and who I am not…but I am open to discovering if I might like something.

I have Awareness. Especially of my limitations: For instance, I am keenly aware that after three hours, I REQUIRE physical, mental, nutritional, solar and/or psychedelic stimulation. If not, I get cranky, bored, irritated, anxious. Feed me,  warm me, move me, challenge me. (if I had a list for love, this would be it!)

I have Support: Friends who know me and still love me. People I can’t bullshit. People that challenge me to be honest with myself and not always present the strong side. People with whom I can be weak. And I have Skype which ROCKS!  This support has developed in me a cultivated (IT DOES NOT COME NATURALLY TO ME! ASK MY MOM!) Team Spirit.  Friends helped me soften my critical side and I’ve learned to favor  pointing out positives in others and rooting their direction. Like computer games? I’ll research the latest and greatest and help you buy it cheap on Craigslist.  Looking for a blue Berlin bear? I’ll scour the souvenir shops for you!  Going for an interview? I’ll role play with ya.  This is fun for me.

I have an education, a stable income, a love of words, a fondness for themed potlucks, a proclivty towards travel and movement in general, a morning disposition, an inclination for sunny weather, and an appreciation of the shortness of our seasons. 

I have a carb addiction. An inner pasta. Right now, my inner pasta is definitely the corkscrew, a little complicated, but simply absorbant and goofy. Chewy. But soft as well.

What’s your inner pasta?

But this doesn’t matter unless I share it, right?  

So yeah, I am dating…and I like my eggs scrambled, thank you.

Preferabbly on top of pasta.



6 thoughts on “Is this LOVE? That I am Feeling?

  1. Great post! I think my inner pasta changes a lot. 🙂 It absorbs the flavours of the situation and can either complement the dish or make it its own. 🙂
    Thanks for your comment on my blog, I will be more than honoured to do a spin off from your previous post.

  2. i LOVE this. isn’t is great to finally know yourself? it’s much easier to know what you want in another when you’re confident in your own self-awareness. rock on.

    … and that annie hall quote = the essence of allen. yep.

  3. My inner pasta is gnocchi. Soft on the inside, scaly on the outside, and simply delicious, goes well with anything.
    I have so many friends who have their life “Controlled” by what they think they want, and when. They have lists of what they want in a man, in a marriage, etc. It’s these friends who end up dating losers and breaking up after about a year of trying to “fit that guy into their mold”. Yikes. Live in the moment, that’s my mantra!

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