It’s Me Against ME

Who Won?

It’s Not a Competition, but for some reason, I find myself counting or measuring AGAIN. Maybe it’s because I am American, and easy access to a wide selection of cereals or bombarded messages of instant makeovers have defiled me. Maybe it’s because it’s Christmas, and there are hundreds of cookies I feel I should make, Christmas markets I feel I should visit, socializing and memories I feel I should manufacture. Maybe it’s because I am still settling in here, and there continues to be pictures to get framed, postcards to get laminated, guest beds to acquire before something deadline or the other. Or maybe it’s just me.

There are women right now that have to share a meager wisp of soap to wash out their pans, clean under their children’s armpits and through tangled hair, rinse out dirt on their clothing. They have neber brushed their teeth or blow dried their hair. And I am worried about how I haven’t got a pedicure since moving here? Most women are sleeping on cold, damp floors. And I am worried about if I should get a futon from a store or buy one used? 

I’ve been skewed lately.

My friend just graduated from college….at 31, after having a baby, living through around a dozen car related dramas, suffering through two major romantic  break-ups, enduring numerous self imposed hair cut fiascos, trolling through the literal grease of waiting tables, the literal urine of hospital posoions, and the literal snot of a long bout as a nanny for a famous athlete, not to mention endless seasons of worrying about the size of her nose, her thighs, her sexual appetite or her chips and salasa plate. And let’s not even go there…how many majors, needless courses, papers and tests did she have to get through to make it??? 

But she did. And it still isn’t good enough.

She was stressing that many of her friends bailed out on celebrating the occassion with her. It felt over-rated, a let down, a “that was it?” sort of feeling. And she was stressed about the cost of good cheese rather than taking a minute to bask in the glow that she is now joing the ranks of a select group of women in the course of history whom have worked and seized access to knowledge in order not to “get anywhere” (or I hope that wasn’t the goal) but in order to make progress. For themselves, and others.

Did you stress today if your pictures were good enough? If your meals were good enough? You work out? Your white elephant gift? Your plans for Christmas? Your relationship with your mom?

Jules…I cheer you. I will fight against this urge to measure my worth and praise my phenemenal being. The quiet and loud ways I symbolize growth and progress in this dark season, inching further into long nights and awaiting the time when light starts to overtake the blackness. That is what ADVENT and this season is about.

Women do not be against yourself. It is worse than being against each other.

I honor you by giving $20 to KIVA… http://www.kiva.org/team/women_cheering_women…..a group of women giving out loans to educate women across the globe….

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5 thoughts on “It’s Me Against ME

  1. wow great post. i definitely get caught up in the nothing-is-good-enough mentality. like a lot. sometimes i (and lots of women) just need a little perspective

    and thanks for your comment the other day. it really made me smile and feel better to hear that non- “functional” activities are OKAY and necessary!

  2. I need this…and yet it will take more for me to accept it’s truth…easier said than done. I am my own worst enemy and critic. I eat too much or too much of the ‘wrong’ things, I don’t exercise enough, I have no drive, I have dreams but can’t ‘smarten’ up enough to acheive them. Is it willpower, is it stupidity, who knows? Thanks for the post girl – sorry to be such a downer haha – I’m ususally not this bad, just an ‘off’ night perhaps?

  3. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I really enjoyed your post. Your post hit home, it almost like I am always stressing over something, if its not work, its our plans for the weekend or the dog or family. I have to say though this year I am taking the it is what it is and not letting little things get to. I will enjoy life as it happens and if it is not the picture I had in my mind it will be ok. (don’t hold me to all of this as I might change my mind tomorrow morning. lol)

  4. Pingback: K Gains « The Special K Treatment

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