“And you see how they are making each other laugh,” she asserted.
“We’re in a wine bar, most guys are out playing golf together.”
“Not you,” she retorted, arguing that women know how to be “better” friends than men.
“That’s because on Wednesdays, he comes to see me. We’ve been friends for 8 years or so,” the man behind the bar countered. The men smirked in triumph.
“Still, women usually have better friendships,” she was convinced.
The man behind the bar smirks. “Unless they are hot,”
And his friend adds, “and single.”
Ah, eavesdropping and jumping into such conversations is why I Crave wine! The anti-oxidants fermented style must stimulate people to express their theories about such things. For me, single but definitively never called “hot,” I chatted how I aspire to be considered a “good friend,” and that I often felt rich in terms of the friends department.
We quickly discussed how after college, creating long-lasting intimate relationships can be challenging. First off, four “busy schedules”: work, our cravings and passions, our families, often soak up a lot of our capital: time and money. Then, getting people to commit to something often is more difficult than getting your hair to not resemble Medusa on a humid day in Florida. People say yes, they can go hike with you, and then have something “come up.” Although sometimes legitimate, these experiences often leave people feeling…well, a little like “I used to have friends, where did they all go?”
Over at Onely, people have commented about single people getting dumped when their friends pair up. That’s a cool topic, but this one, that if you are attractive and/or single, you are less likely to be a good friend, is intriguing. Is this because you are assumed to be more selfish? Or because you live a pretty charmed life you have less of a need for friends to rely on?
One of the best movies of my youth, Heathers, touched on this (watch it, it ROCKS!) phenomenon…the cute girl in highschool never seemed to need friends. “Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people “real life.” She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you’re beautiful.” Can you relate?
Here was my 2-cents. Most of my intimate friendships are with women who are married, and all of them have kids now. But that doesn’t serve as evidence that single people have less quality friendships, or for that matter that women have better ones than men, or that people who live in cities have worse ones than those in the country, or golfers or online daters or…we could go on and on. I think my own personal need for long-lasting friendships is less about my social standing and more about my baseline: I’ve always wanted a few intimates than a group of acquaintances , but that’s no “better” than a Heather that loves a multitude of groupies. Some people have less of a need for these types of relationships, or are in a season of their lives where they need more of them.
Do you disagree? Do certain people make better friend than others? What kind of friend do you need?