It’s friday morning, and there’s bagels and doughnuts up for grabs in the break room. I insist on enjoying my coffee in a “real” ceramic mug, where the heat of the liquid seeps into the nerves of my hands, enhancing the electrical impact of caffeine induction. Thus, I am nuking the cup…when the attractive, 30 something divorced blonde walks into the room and peers down at the carb selection in front of her…
“I shouldn’t eat this…” she begins, plucking a cinnamon raisin half bagel from it’s cushy home, “it’s so bad for me…” she finishes it with a little light cream cheese and takes a little nibble…then adds “this is why I am single.”
I am so tired of hearing women say and make similar remarks, giving themselves and their audience the message that their food choices are “bad” and indicate a lack of self-control, and thus leads to something that might be detrimental.
Does she really expect that a bagel is responsible for her being single?
Men may offer side remarks at christmas parties to approaching being capable of substituting for Santa while downing some Eggnog, but there is an absence of recrimination in such follies.
I am so sick of these remarks that I’ve chosen to speak up when experiencing them. I said simply, “If that half bagel really satisfies you, then I think it’s good for you to eat it.”
As single people, as women perhaps, as a culture, there’s this expectation to always be striving for self-improvement (often via self-denial and self-control) that we often miss the ways that we are already good enough as we already are. Efforts to enhance ourselves can sometimes negate the presence of fulfillment and joy and health. We want to continually surpass ourselves and do more because the effort may falsely promise fulfillment. When I ‘get married’ ‘run the marathon’ ‘get a promotion’ ‘read the book club selection’ ‘start doing yoga’ that’s when life will begin.
Well, I’ve never had a guy who rejects a woman for eating a bagel, or even a Big Mac, on occassion. But I do know guys that leave women that convey “nothing is ever good enough for you, is it?” Maybe she should eat bagels more often…
Maybe she should lower her expectations…
and accept what is…rather than what is not.