Our world is pregnant with danger, and it announces its possible advent multiple times through out each day. Trust, security, okayness, well, for me, these are my endangered species. They feel elusive and in hiding. The day is packed full with reminder of potential threats. Our access to more and more information inherently translates to more exposure of present malaise.
So I did an informal study today of the things I was told in my environment to DISTRUST…I excluded all the things I was told to fear (Sorry China, you didn’t make the cut due to this definition) or worry about (Sorry, Global Warming! You’re voted off the island as well)…so here was my list. These were pretty blatant messages, either on CNN, magazine covers, newspapers, conversations at the water fountain. Pretty normal sources.
1) the drinking water…it actually has some stuff in it that could cause your unborn children when you finally do get pregnant in 5 years to have problems with social communication
2) the cleanliness of anything in a school, including mouses, drinking foundations, pencil sharpeners…teachers have the germiest jobs.
3) Lab results, they are often done by untrained personnel that run the wrong tests on the wrong samples
4) Your mother’s advice on dating/fashion/food…all equally unsatisfying. Basically discount anything related to your mother. She’s not to be trusted (especially you ladies)
5) Your bank…yep, your retirement may be floating somewhere off in cyber space somewhere
6) Generic trash bags…they don’t work as well as the ones that cost 87 cents more
7) Your cravings for salt, sugar, carbohydrates, caffeine…your desires are the devil and will lead you to over-indulgence.
8) The person you are sleeping with, want to sleep with, aren’t sleeping with anymore…he/she most likely has a porn or gambling or shoe addiction
9) That you might secure a job that will allow you pay off your student loans
10) When someone gives you a compliment at work, because “she’s just trying to get on your good side so you’ll sign up to bring the soda on Friday” (ACTUAL OVERHEARD CONVERSATION!).
No WONDER I find myself constantly analyzing ALL decisions I make and my behavior!
The distrust and fear simple closes me off to truly experiencing life fully. And I am so longing to FEEL my WAY OPEN…But how?
How does trust evolve? Where can I find my way back to it in this world?