“Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.” In high school, I learned that this line from Hamlet hints that people sense depreciation of some sort, but it is ill defined. Depleted, irritable, pessimistic, I have felt jostled in my negativity this past week. I am easily wounded. I want to be around others and to be social in one hour and then the next find ways to escape from having to pretend to be my usual upbeat self. I am touchy. Literally, get your hands off of me, and figuratively, why won’t you touch me?
Single people are less likely to donate blood, get a tattoo, or schedule invasive medical exams (um…think prostrate). Researchers postulate that being partnered make us less anxious about our bodily reactions. I think that’s quite a jump. I just think being in a relationship sometimes is a good distraction from over thinking everything (“get a dog” three people have told me in the past four days). I wonder if I was with someone if his company would make me more irritable right now or less irritable. Would having some one else bartering for my mental facilities be a good distraction, or annoying?
The realistic response is both. It is easy to assume that once we arrive at certain experiences in our lives, that we’ll no longer have off weeks, like the one I am having now. We blame fleeting emotions and lows on global states like: being single, being 30, being in transition. But I also have to point out something constant about me: I am never constant. I feel as if I am ALWAYS in transition. And most of the time, I really, really sort of rebelliously dig that about me. I somewhat realize that makes others a bit uncomfortable, especially possible romantic partners. I’ve been told that it is my way of protecting myself from serious romantic engagement. But my gumption, my self-induced “treatment,” also tends to be the shine-iest attribute.
So, I connect in pieces. As I am able. These words, both confessional and egotistical, alleviate a patch of rottenness and re-invigorate the landscape.
I’d back away now before I change my tune.