Receiving these, pursuing these, giving these. Here are my values. I mean don’t get me wrong, a girl prefers trust, communication, beauty. But I also prefer a heady bottle of Rioja and heady Gillian Welch song and some juicy select texts to keep me warm at night.
My life, fire and then ashes, designed and disintegrated, comes and goes. These values remain part of that core hunger in me. Try it out. Make a space for yourself and ask “what do I DESIRE? over and over again?” “what motivates me?” What do I keep doing even when no one is looking?”
I probably did some version of the task years ago in seminary. I probably picked out some pretty moral themes such as service, community, grace.
Do values change? Sure, I believe they do in expression….a bit like our fashion sense. But I believe that at the core, we all have solid selfs. There are aspects of me that will not alter
1) I am curious. I get on these “kicks” or crazes. I find out everything there is to know about making jams or knitting, or hot yoga and within a few months I will have switched to ballroom dancing.
I will always have a question if some one asks “does anybody have any questions?” I feel compelled to put something out there to the universe especially if I am under the arrangement that no clear response is on its ways.
I will always want to physically move. See new things. Take a jog, a hike, a downward dog.
2) I want to contribute. To take a sip and have the dryness and bubbles of the Henkell surprise me and I look up and transmit it across the table, where your face contorts a bit and without words, we say “next, please?”. I want to both peer at the edge of that cliff and smell the ocean burning into my eyes, my hair, my walls of what I thought possible, and look back and find you.
I want to feel barren, not good enough, oprhaned and ungrounded and hear you tell me that I belong.
I want to give and receive and connect and share whatever slice of grace and judgment that I call mine and shape it into a “we.”
3) I want to be good. To feel as if I have something to offer, and that others value my role in their lives. Mattering. It matters to me. It is why I became a doctor, why I write, why I push myself. That external and internal validation that who I am is something valuable.
I thought about this at work this week as a person told me “you are what we’ve always wanted, but never knew that we needed.”
Oatmeal to my Soul
And I thought “I want the guy to think that about me” Not because of some spewed notion of Julia Roberts makes it look so effortless ballad. But because I value validation, and recognition of my own value, both instrumentally and intriniscally. And not always from external sources. Sometimes I crave to announce it and feel it radiate from within the embers of what I know is me. To have it warm me when the stone is too heavy to roll away.
When you surmise your values, they lead you towards your motivations. What drives you. Moves you forward. Inspires you towards growth. When you learn those of others, communication moves from social understanding to a strateetic tool. IT GETS US SOMEWHERE NEW. And hopefully, better.
This. This sharing, movement, validation, is The Special K Treatment.